The Old New Camaro

You don’t accept to accommodated me central the airport,” I said, as Danger Girl led me by the duke to the accoutrements affirmation breadth of the Albuquerque Sunport. “I’m not a ten-year-old.”
“I just didn’t wish you to get lost.”

“Lost?” My absorption was briefly absent by a curvaceous Latina in some array of slutty-jumpsuit fabricated from clear-cut fabric Used Cars Dealer in Dubai. “This is, like, the fourth-smallest bartering airport in North America.”
“Lost,” DG clarified, afterward my glance to the adolescent adult who was now obliviously angle over to fix her sandal, “like that.”
“Oh.”
“I’m still affronted about what happened endure week, you know,” she said, casting my baggage into the burden alcove of her newest rental car. “I didn’t get acclaim for that rental.”
“So?”
“So, it was the rental that was traveling to put me over the top for my next chargeless rental day.”
“Wait. You’re affronted because you didn’t get acclaim for burglary a Challenger?”
“Because I would accept gotten a chargeless rental certificate.”
“But you didn’t pay for the Challenger!” I sputtered. “It was a chargeless rental day all by itself.”
“Not the same,” DG declared, in a this chat is over voice. “And this new rental car is broken. It’s absolutely slow. I would never buy a Kia.”
“This,” I exhaled, already beat to a bankrupt by seven canicule in which I collection over two thousand afar and flew over nine thousand, “is a Fiat 500L.”
“It looks like a Kia,” DG proclaimed. “And it’s broken. See?” She addled the accelerator down Central Avenue. A abandoned being leapt to assurance from his branch on the curb.
“No, I anticipate that’s about how fast they are declared to be.”
“Well, it’s no admiration that you never see Kias out there. I alarm it the Broken-down Little Puppy. Did you apprehend that book?”
“Recently?”
“No, as a kid, like anybody else. This is a Broken-down Little Fucking Puppy. I’m traveling to get addition car from the rental agency.” Abiding enough, the next morning she alternate in a V6 Camaro.
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“How abundant did they allegation you?” I asked.
“How abundant did they allegation me?” The atheism in her articulation was palpable.
“Yes. How abundant did they allegation you to change cars.”
“Nothing. It would accept been twenty-five dollars for a Mustang. But the Camaros and Challengers are free. The airport lot is abounding of them. Because humans in ABQ anticipate that a bargain Camaro with tiny auto is just the fucking acme of animal accomplishment out there, the best you can get. Hey, is that a Nova up there? I acclimated to accept a Nova. Let’s go attending at it.” And she affianced the accelerator to its stop. Some array of ample cadger anesthetized beneath the auto with a decrepit thump. “This one has balls. Definitely faster than a Tahoe. Hey, actuality we are. I absolutely like that Nova. But what I want, I’ve decided, is not a Nova, but instead the Lexus RC-F. I cannot be afflicted by that Nova, or this Camaro, afterwards accepting ridden in the Lexus RC-F.”
“They are not,” I responded, “even accidentally abutting to the aforementioned price.”
“But I can allow either, so it’s like they are the aforementioned price. And the Camaro that was $75,000 was cool sucky.”
“You beggarly the Z/28.”
“Yes. It’s no Lexus RC-F.”
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“To me,” Danger Girl continued, “the Camaro has consistently been a girl’s car compared to the Mustang. And it doesn’t attending like an old Camaro at all. The Challenger looks just like an old Challenger. And why does this accept a awning in the birr there’s no advancement camera? Is this the aforementioned car your acquaintance Patrick, whom I met at that affair at Alex Roy’s place, crashed?”
“He comatose the new one.”
“He couldn’t accept been traveling actual fast. This is slower than my old 1970 Monte Carlo. Uh-oh.” Ahead of, a white 2004-ish Escalade and a atramentous 2004-ish Escalade were blocking both lanes of the artery for what seemed like no reason.
“Should you bellow or something?”
“We’ll get shot,” DG reminded me. “This is city Albuquerque.” In a moment, the two Escalades collection abroad and began playfully swerving at anniversary other. “Both of those people,” my accompaniment told me, “live in trailers. But they accept Escalades.”
“Well, those are earlier Escalades.”
“It still makes me wish to vote something that is added Republican than the Republicans.”
“Like, the take-Escalades-away-from-poor-people party?”
“Those people,” she replied with a trace of scorn, “could not get adopted in New Mexico.”
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We chock-full at a motorcycle boutique breadth DG bidding absorption in a red-white-and-blue Honda CBR500. The salesman told her, “That’s a lot of bike for a adult just starting out.”
“I had a Harley Softail if I was a teenager,” she snapped.

“Well then… let me appearance you the CB1000.” Afterwards, accepting purchased no motorcycles and accepting damaged alone one on the exhibit attic (I backed into the mirror of a new Honda CTX1300, causing the apartment to breeze off and fall) we cruised out to the far ancillary of boondocks and I anticipation continued and harder about the virtues of this bygone New Camaro. Nominally speaking, the 2012-on V6es with their new chip headers can be massaged via bolt-ons into a 13.9-second division mile, appropriate there with the Ferrari Testarossa and the Porsche 964 and my Accord V6 Suzuki used cars. In practice, however, these are affectionate of broken-down little puppies, abounding a abhorrent thrashing babble as the automated takes its candied time avaricious a lower accessory and causing the absolute autogenous to beat its breakable blah 1989-Cavalier plastic. The 2011-on Mustang was abundant nicer central even if it lacked the sharply-creased exoteric ball that still makes this low-rent rental attending able-bodied and alarming admitting the alpine sidewalls and asthmatic exhaust.

Yet the beheading of this fifth-generation car is depressingly Fiero-2M4-esque. To activate with, annihilation the Camaro can do, the Pontiac G8 could do better. It’s been a continued time aback coupes were lighter than their auto relatives, and you can accusation things like side-impact regulations for that, but the Camaro’s weight accretion was consistently decidedly arrant and it imbues even the big-motor variants with a array of abstracted apathy at all times. The approachable Mustang was no sports car but it abiding as hell seemed like one if apprenticed aback to aback with a Camaro.

If the allowance companies admittance such a thing, a 2015 Camaro will be a abundant car for an adventuresome jailbait in 2025 or thereabouts. To a bearing aloft in the rear bench of Highlanders and Pilots, this will assume like absolutely the balls-out adventure-mobile, and for kids who grew up in the adumbration of the monster Sequoia (the Toyota, not the tree), this auto won’t assume awfully oversized.
New-car buyers will wish to delay for the sixth-gen car, which should be like the ’89 Fiero GT to the accepted model’s ’84 Indy Pace Car. New GM ability still be backward to the affair whenever accessible (see HHR, Chevrolet and SRX, Cadillac) but it no best terminates archetypal lifespans appropriate if the car complex slouches into acceptability. My assumption is the next ponycar battle will carefully resemble its Nineties predecessor: the Camaro will be faster and added capable, and the Mustang will be added accessible and added popular.

On the way to the airport at oh-dark-thirty, DG was all smiles. “With this rental, I’ll assuredly get that chargeless day that they cheated me out of before,” she assured me. “And I’ll accept some chargeless upgrades, too.”
“You could hire a Porsche,” I suggested, “or a Mercedes.”
“What I absolutely want,” she replied, “is to hire a Lexus RC-F. But, if you’ve noticed, you will see that cipher anytime has an RC-F to rent. Or any Lexus.” As we accustomed at the acknowledgment area, and the Camaro’s aperture bankrupt with a ailing rattle, and the block popped up anyhow on the blubbery formed hinges, DG’s countenance briefly crinkled. “Why do you anticipate that is?”